traditional gentlemanly behaviour

photo @sixstreetunder

You never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. If what you had was a person in your life who maybe didn't inspire you to do creative or charitable works but instead established a proper foundation of emotional stability and rational thinking into your life, then yeah, you really don't appreciate them until they're gone. Don't get me wrong, we're still friends. I pester you with inane messages and inside jokes. You avoid me sometimes. You're my best friend. I can't just cut that out of my life no matter how hard I try. Ha, I don't try at all. You're too awesome. A broad-shouldered, generous, confident feminist with an open-mind, a big heart, and traditional gentlemanly behaviour.  The strong silent type, unless I get you going about some nerdy past time you're intensely passionate about.

I chat with interesting strangers from all over the world every day. I block or delete them if they get inappropriate. If it's a solid joke and not a come on, I'll indulge in dirty humour with them but all in all, I just don't see romance in my future. It doesn't interest me anymore. The idea of having to build a whole life with someone else just isn't in the cards. 

I miss making breakfast in bed for you every morning and falling asleep on the sofa to Netflix too early in the evening after dinner. I miss midnight karate kicks because we drank too many Americanos. Or holding our pets and making them wear funny outfits. I miss our life together. Finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. Who knows what the future holds right? Maybe we'll find a way back to each other.

Until then, it's just a steady stream of silly banter and philosophical debates with people I will probably never meet. That doesn't sound so bad.

-Audrey A.